What sort of resilience do you need?

Resilience includes a number of skills, and there are different types. Transformational resilience is the type of resilience that means we emerge from hard times entirely transformed. Through the hardship we change and grow and learn and emerge a different person. But what if the hard time is continuing? If it isn’t over. The type of resilience we need then is adaptive resilience. This is the type of resilience that means we can cope when there is continuing difficulty. We adapt (and may even transform), but crucially all that adapting happens whilst things are still hard. The adversity is still there. 

All types of resilience need vision, optimism, and perseverance. We tend to think of resilience being dynamic, gritty and driven, which of course it is. But adaptive resilience requires the skills of patience, tolerance and acceptance. The skills that sit quietly behind a person or business surviving a perpetuating onslaught of difficulty. These skills are less dynamic, but incredibly powerful. To sit with uncertainty, sit with difficulty, and accept that the seat is painful and sometimes unbearable. 

So how can we develop our patience, tolerance and acceptance? The first step is to acknowledge how uncomfortable we are finding the seat. Acknowledge all the feelings and thoughts we are having about being there, in that moment, in that space.  Denying negative thoughts or feelings only leads to them appearing at a later time (sometimes in disguise as anger at others), and they can dampen motivation, creativity and purpose. The very skills you want to cultivate in a crisis. 

Your thoughts generate feelings that impact on your behaviour. As you open up and make space for these thoughts and feelings, they will bother you less.

“Suppose you are walking across ice. In order to safely take the next step, you first need to find a firm foothold.…Acceptance is like finding that firm foothold. It’s a realistic appraisal of where your feet are and what condition the ground is in. It doesn’t mean that you like being in that spot, or that you intend to stay there. Once you have a firm foothold, you can take the next step more effectively.” Harris, R, p67 The Happiness Trap (2007)

By accepting feelings or thoughts of anger, frustration, pressure, anxiety, disappointment or fear or any other negative thoughts you have about the adversity you face, and allowing them space to be acknowledged, then you can move on with purpose to adapt, grow, learn and transform. 

What thoughts or feelings would it help you to accept at the moment? What thoughts or feelings would it help your team to discuss?  What culture do you need to nurture to ensure your team can openly discuss their thoughts when situations are difficult - to find that firm foothold to move forward with optimism, creativity and motivation?